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Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a Nascar Driver Say
10. I would like to thank the Devil for my win today....
9. I lost because my pit crew is bunch of morons.
8. I could win 10 races a year too, if my sponsors weren't such a cheap bunch of......
7. I wouldn't feel safe, if it weren't for that restrictor plate.
6. You better put that down or Jeff Gordon will come over here and kick your butt.
5. My crew chief is an idiot.
4. Has anyone seen my Jerri-Curl?
3. We would have won, but Jesus loves Jeff Gordon more.
2. (In Winner's Circle) Talk Later, Pee NOW!
1. My car sucked today! We're taking a wrecking ball to it ASAP!
Top 10 Signs You're at a NASCAR Fan's Funeral
10. Casket features an exact replica of the GM Goodwrench paint scheme.
9. The deceased is referred to as being out of provisionals.
8. Heart-stirring eulogy delivered by Dr.Jerry Punch.
7. Amazing Grace is performed by a 9-year-old girl from Bristol, Tennessee.
6. Only the first 43 cars are allowed in the procession.
5. Hearse referred to as the pace car.
4. Procession weaves back and forth to keep heat in the tires.
3. Cars caught speeding leaving the church have to go to the rear of the procession.
2. First time mourners have an orange stripe on the trunk of their car.
and the number one sign you're at a NASCAR funeral
No coolers over 14 inches allowed in the chapel!
Top 10 Laws of Auto Racing 10. The number of times you get hit in a pileup is directly proportional to the number of times you said "I think it will go ok today".
9. You only get the lead when you need fuel.
8. If a tire can go on the wrong side, it will.
7. A part will never break during a test session, only during a race.
6. The driver behind you is always the one you punted last week.
5. The part you left at the shop is the one you need.
4. The number of laps remaining is always one more than the amount of fuel left in the car.
3. Your good car will get wrecked, your bad car will finish the race, two laps down.
2. The concrete wall is harder at the tracks you wreck at.
1. A 10-car pileup will never happen *behind* you!
